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1

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list。

正常版：在这个世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你，但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。

幽默版：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。

文艺版：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁因我而死。

2

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason。

政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!

3

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。

4

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

直译版：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。

意译版：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。

5

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧!

6

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。

7

7.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…

8

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

直译版：宁可保持沉默，即使这样会让人觉得自己是个傻瓜，也不要出声说话，让别人因此对你不再有疑虑。

搞笑版：宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别瞎BB。

发散版：剽悍的人生不需要解释。

9

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？

10

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。

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